The Right Place at the Right Time

I feel like I've had a pretty trying summer.

I finished my Health, Wellness, and Fitness diploma. As much as I felt successful for completing it, I didn't know what to do next. Every job I applied for was entry level, and every entry level position was some bland flavour of sales. I finally managed to get a sales position at a gym, so as at least I didn't feel like my background knowledge would be wasted.

I loved many things about my job selling gym memberships. Most times, I felt like I was helping people. I was giving them something that they knew they wanted and needed, and when they didn't need too much convincing on the benefits of exercise and how it would change their life, then I was happy. Unfortunately for me, the nature of sales is not "they wanted it, they came to me, and so I gave it to them." My contentedness shattered when I couldn't keep up with my personal goals, let alone the club's goals. I began to feel less like I had something worth selling, and more like I was the equivalent of a telemarketer and the kid who jumps around outside Little Caesars, trying to get the attention of passersby. I didn't feel like a salesperson. I didn't feel like I could be good at selling.

I came to a crossroads of sorts. I had to make a decision: do I push myself, learn the skills, practice, and become a great seller? Do I change my perspective, try something new, see the position in a different light? Is my goal still to simply help others? Or should I throw the towel in and accept that some people do not have the gift of the glib?

Who was I, really?

A quitter? Someone who would succeed, no matter what?

I began to fervently apply for other jobs. I wanted to do something that wasn't related to sales, that didn't have a bunch of numbers and goals and quotas to meet. I wanted to be alone; I was worn out by the greetings and scripts and "peak attitude" I had to force myself to have every day. I started to apply for general labour positions, because I just wanted to work hard and keep to myself. I didn't want anything glamourous. I simply wanted to work.

I immediately received a call from a temporary staffing agency about a light general labour position. I was on my way to my job at the gym at the time. I made a joke about being on the road to the position I really didn't enjoy at all, and the man on the phone insisted I come by that morning so I could do something I wouldn't hate anymore. I shrugged it off, told him maybe I'd come to the interview, and went on my way, But I ended up at work early, and my heart was pounding, and I had a feeling I just couldn't shake. I explained to my manager that an emergency had come up - yes, I was dishonest, was I becoming a salesperson at long last? - and left to go see the man who had called me.

It started to pour rain, and I was sweating from my nerves and the humidity, and I was in my gym uniform (which isn't really interview attire, which you could probably guess). I looked and felt awful. But I showed up, announced myself as the girl who hated her job, and received huge smiles from the two men who greeted me. I was sat down with some tedious paperwork and we made small talk about my job and my morning. I was told someone would shortly take me to see the warehouse I'd be working in when the second man approached me. He asked me about my education and my five year plan. I mentioned my diploma and my plan to do something further in human resources and occupational health and safety. Corporate wellness is totally my jam.

"You're overqualified for these labour positions," he said without skipping a beat. "I have something else that is much better suited for you, if you'll give me a chance."

And that's how I was thrust into my new resource administrator position at a temporary staffing agency. I simply said I wanted to learn about human resources, and now I'm a human resource administrator. I literally qualify people for work, complete health and safety work and training with them, interview them, get them on the pay roll, and get them into work as smoothly as possible.

I woke up one morning, dreading the end of the month and the pressure of my sales position, and the next morning, I was sitting at my own desk, with my own work computer, frantically phoning and emailing and learning a whole new system - but I was happy.

The two positions have great similarities, if I'm honest - I don't get away from making a multitude of phone calls, booking appointments, having conversations, and servicing people. But I don't have to fret over nearly as many numbers. It's a lot less guilt tripping and telemarketing when you call someone who is desperate for work versus someone who maybe wants to try the gym for free but won't actually commit to a membership for a whole year. I'm learning a lot about the laws governing employment and employees and health and safety, and it's all very interesting. And at the end of the day, it's a business. I'm helping and teaching people, and I'm marketing, and I'm organizing a lot of data, and there's never really a dull moment. It's a cozy office. They're great people. I feel accomplished. I feel like I could really go somewhere in this role.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about how quickly things changed. I applied for a job, I answered a phone call, I went somewhere against my better judgment (against anyone's, really - when it all comes down to it, I lied and skipped work and left without much notice).

I guess there is such a thing as fate, as being in the right place at the right time.

Achieving goals

I remember being in my diploma program full-time this past year and thinking at one point, "if someone mentions 'SMART' goals one more time, I am going to make a point and actually drag a dead horse into this lecture hall and beat it in front of my professors." It was the moral of every story, the take-away from every lesson, the final question in every exam. How do you set a goal? How do you make sure you take the steps to achieve it? What are the barriers, pitfalls, and common mistakes? How can we ensure others' success when helping them set their goals?

I was sure I'd be able to literally do anything I wanted after my program. I was set for life. I could do anything.

But then I took a sales job in the health, wellness, and fitness industry and I was terrified of not achieving my goals. I even had a fancy mathematical formula that explained exactly what I needed to do in order to get what I wanted, and still I felt like I was staring into Death's face each time I walked into work. Yeah, I can't do this. I know I have my super specific goals laid out, and everything's measurable and attainable and realistic and has to be done by the end of the month, but damn.

So excuse me while I do a victory dance on this early morning on the 30th of this 31-day month of July, where I've already achieved my sales goal and gone ahead and made a new one for the next two days. The second of which I'm already very confident I can reach.

One thing I've had to come to terms with as a perfectionist is that you can't be good at something the first time you try it. I have unrealistic expectations whenever I attempt something, which leaves me unhappy, lacking confidence, feeling stupid, and a whole whack of other nasty things. Any normal person knows that "practice makes perfect" and that it takes time to learn. Well, goddamn, it took me long enough to learn that learning is a process. This whole paragraph is getting exhausting. The point is that I've been extremely hard on myself, which can be a huge barrier when it comes to self-improvement.

In the past, I've been a quitter. I've thought, "I'm not good at this and it's the first time.. so I should probably just stop doing it now and save everyone the trouble." The only person I end up harming with that decision is myself. Now, if you wanted to talk about things I'm really good at it, self-sabotage is the area of study where I've earned most of my achievements.

Setting goals is kind of the easy part, once you know how it's done. Sticking with the steps in between that will ensure your success, even when you fall off track.. that's the meat and potatoes of the whole thing. That's where you'll make or break the bank. That's where you really grow.

I guess the take-away here includes a few things:

a. if someone repeats something, it's probably important and worth listening to.
b. wanting something is only a small portion of the work involved in getting what you want.
c. learning takes effort and time.
d. I genuinely believe it's impossible to stay bad at something if you heed the advice mentioned in point "c." You will improve eventually.
e. failure doesn't have to be a negative experience.

okay, now you're ready to conquer that to-do list!

A New Perspective

I often write about my flaws and things I know about myself that I want to change. I periodically reassess and try to evaluate whether I've made much progess (sometimes I have to hang my head and whisper to myself, "if any"). One of my main goals lately has been to adopt a positive perspective. I question whether a comment or circumstance is worth truly worrying about and try to nip the "stressed out" status in the bud, allowing me cushion time to better filter and categorize what situations actually warrant my worry and concern. I've said stuff like this before; everything makes me jump around like a rabbit late for a very important date. I need to cut that out. It's a terrible way to live. 

Progress report: I think I'm doing and going to be okay. 

I met a guy today. He's bubbly and outgoing. He's always cracking jokes and laughing and complimenting whoever he speaks to. Even when someone is angry with him or a situation, he's empathetic and just does his best. He seems to operate on a "this is the present" mentality. No dwelling on the future or the past. All he has is what he currently has in front of him, and he tackles it with a "can-do" attitude. If something doesn't work perfectly, he doesn't get upset. He keeps smiling and keeps going.

I was in awe. I still am. I know I'm made of the same stuff as him and that I can eventually handle my life and interactions in the same way; it just never seems easy when you're on the other side. 

One situation, one conversation, one event at a time.. that's how I'm learning to be a little more care-free.

Sometimes I live in a fantasy world (on dream jobs)

Sometimes I find myself dreaming of a world where amazing things happen and my life is perfect. I am discovered for some talent or skill that I've showcased, and it's smooth sailing from that moment on because I'm young and learn quickly and we're all so connected. Fame and brains can coexist, and I'll love my job, and everyone will know my name.

Other times I fantasize about a revolution wherein the structure of "you need a degree to do X job" will dissolve and people will have the opportunity to prove their worth through more than crippling debt and sucking corporate dick to get somewhere, anywhere that isn't a dead end customer service or sales job. I don't want a job, I want a career. I don't want eleven dollars an hour and to be screamed at for nine hours every day because some obese wonder didn't get to eat her burger quick enough. I don't want to use my excellent communication skills to sell old ladies services and products they can't understand just because I want to be able to afford one million Sephora trips each month (and a new car). My life and the things I do are not going to be about money, but they sure as hell will be about who I am and what I can offer. And I'm in the business of doing something good for people.

I am sharp as a whip. I'm kind, in a "want some candy?" sort of way, without the white van. People like me, people like to talk to me, and people tell me I'm going to be able to do something big.

I want to research.
I want to solve problems.
I want to educate.
I want to listen.
I want to build something.
I want to create hope.

I can only do so much of this in an "entry level" job that high schoolers get hired to do. And I don't get to do any of it without money and time.

I didn't know what my "dream job" was until this year. TWENTY FIFTEEN. I've been thining about education and careers since the beginning of high school, and that's a long time . I'm in an embarrassing amount of debt. I have bills to pay and things I need to do. I don't get to do the things I know I would love and excel at simply because I didn't know that they existed until a couple of months ago.

First plan: nursing. Until I wasn't smart enough.
Second plan: follow a boy to Bible college (I guess "wife" is a profession).
Third plan: social work??????
Fourth plan: health/wellness, possibly personal training.
Fifth and final plan: human resources, corporate wellness, occupational health and safety.

The common thread is a desire to help. I like to think I'm personable, and passionate, and creative, and able to relate to people and listen to them and help them in any way I can. It took me so long to find a place, a position that exists where I can do those things. Solving problems, training, teaching about safety, improving stress levels and health and satisfaction and morale in people's jobs? Hella great stuff.

It's going to take me another year or so to get the education I need to be able to do something in HR. I'm dedicated to the cause; I'm very serious about it and I know it will take a lot of hard work doing something I might hate in order to get somewhere I will love. Don't misunderstand me here; I'm not trying to just complain and say the world is unfair. I think it is sometimes, but I also acknowledge my agency. I'm going to have do some shit I'm going to dislike, and I'm going to whine about how no one discovered my blog or Youtube or Twitch or whatever else, (why does everything always seem easier for everyone else?) but eventually I'll get where I'm going.

The point is that there are dreams where you might not ever get to do the things you DAYdream about. But there are other dreams that are possible, even if they seem really, really out of reach at the time. How much does it matter to you? What will you do to get it? What is your perspective?

Positivity and a good work ethic will go a long way.