breathe

*okay so this is meant to be a spoken word poem type of deal. It sounds way better when I say it out loud to myself and put the emphasis in the right spots. I might make a video of me reading it soon because for a 3am jumble of emotions, it turned out okay.*

breathe
ten seconds
that's all you need
because when you don't hold your breath,
words all go to your head
and you're dizzy that the thought of everything he said
just won't sink in, he's your linchpin
and now what if he goes?
now you're blinking back tears, incoherent
no self-esteem, you're already screaming
heart aching
so you stare at the wall, all sprawled out on his bed
you want to go home but so much would be left unsaid
oh god, can he feel it?
the love that you possess, like it can be passed
from your fingertip to his collarbone
it's so real and you hope to some god that it's known
it's all you want and you know without a doubt
hurting him, which you do, is the worst pain you've ever felt
but you've done worse, and you always do
every apology drags you deeper into an abyss
and you can't miss the fact that you've done this before
someone else you used to adore
and the same things keep coming up
"if you don't shape up, we'll break up
try harder, speak more, remember to breathe
listen to me"
something has to be wrong with you
it's like deja vu
and you used to play the card that goes
"it's not you, it's got to be me"
now you finally see, it has to be true
this is too close for comfort
you overexert but then again so does he
you feel like you can never win
you just need more discipline
god you're so fucking angry
"does he hate me?"
because he thinks you hate him
which is grim to think because you'd rather be dead
than break his stupid heart a second time
so sublime has your time together been
you don't want it to end over something so trivial
but it will, unless your bullshit becomes null
the next time you want to yell, take a second to dwell
on the reality that he loves you endlessly
he's honestly the best thing to happen in your life
and your anger is a knife cutting away every good thing
and your words, they sting and they're so rife
so remember to breathe instead of seething
let him feel your love and don't shove him away
ten seconds is all you need to convey
that you care and you swear you'll remember to breathe