Why pity is an insensitive word to use when people leave the church

I was once a part of the world of like-minded people meeting to sing and listen to the word of God with eagar anticipation every Sunday morning. It was a huge part of my life and who I was; it was my source of strength and the lens that I tried my best to view the world through. I recognize that when one chooses to leave their former life behind and take up the cross, it's life-altering. It is the very foundation of all that one chooses to do. It dictates how you are able to love people. But what happens when you leave that world behind, and no longer accept that your life is owed to Christ's death on the cross? There were people who shared this core part of what it meant to be human with me, who loved me because Christ loved me first and I returned that love to him. And when you lose your love for Christ, others are quick to say one thing: "I pity you."

pity

noun

1. 1.

   the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others.
2. 2.

   a cause for regret or disappointment.

I want to first say that it is already a very challenging realization to come to, to accept that you are no longer going to be a part of something so vast. When you've spent years telling others about how loving, accepting, and hopeful Christ and his followers are, it is painful and defeating to hear that others now only feel as though your choices are disappointing and that they believe you are suffering. On that note, I also recognize that based on a Christian worldview, it only makes sense to say that anyone who does not accept Christ as their saviour is technically suffering. From that lens, pity does appear on the surface to be the appropriate emotion to feel for those of us who tasted Heaven and decided it tasted like something we cannot stomach and made us nauseous. But I resent being told that I am pitied for my decisions, and I don't believe it is a loving emotion, nor is it helpful. I don't even believe it is appropriate to come out to someone whose Jesus wounds are fresh and say, "I find you pitiful. I pity your life now."

I am inclined to accept that you believe they are missing out on a beautiful part of life. I can accept sadness. And of course I will accept love; that should be given regardless of differences in worldviews. What I cannot accept is that you think I am worth any less than I was before.

I think that if all people are created in God's image and you believe that to be true, I am still a human being just like you. I may not see the world as what it is for you, but I have the same basic makeup. I am flesh and bones and I feel, deeply. And if your pity is warranted, then any disdain I may begin to feel towards Christ or his people can be justified. I am the least likely to ever be receptive to religion if others continue to be condescending to me about what I have discovered for my life. I don't mean to say that I hate my old life or anyone who chooses to live in that fashion. I simply don't have those feelings. I don't hate individuals, I dislike harmful ideology and practices (though that's a post for another day). But there are people who leave, fall into irrepairable pieces, and are then thrown remarks about how pitied they are. When you've felt the love of Christ and the love of other people, it is a challenge to see how such an emotion can be felt towards someone if only for the reason that they are searching for themselves and a purpose in life. For some, it wasn't found in Christ, the Bible, or any church group. And that doesn't mean they weren't receptive to the Spirit, or too disobedient, or possessed by demons. And they are no less moral than when they identified as a Christian.

I know first-hand what the church and its people are capable of. They are capable or love, grace, and forgiveness. That is what I want to feel. And I believe I would still be able to feel God's grace through his people if they did anything but pity me. We are all flawed, it is not only the people like myself. Christ's people are flawed, too, and they are loved. By him, and still by me. And do you know who I am? I am Sarah. I am who I was before, and if I might be so bold, I believe I am now the most like myself I have ever been. You know what your freedom looks like in Christ, and I feel I am free in myself and the love I am still able to give freely to others.

Please don't pity me.
Please don't patronize me. 

Does boycotting really make a difference?

The documentary “World According to Monsanto” is certainly a thought-provoking one. I will admit that I was familiar with a lot of the controversy surrounding the company and it still bothers me to hear it again. My biggest dilemma with Monsanto's actions is the false advertising, hiding life-changing information, and risking the health and lives of their consumers. Overall, this seems to be a bad business move. When one thinks about it ethically and logically, you might say that it doesn't make sense for a company to still be such a huge player in the business when all they have done is lie and attempt to buy others off. If I witnessed a bad business move on the scale that Monsanto has pulled off, I would say that those people are not worth my money and business. If enough people feel similarly – and we really should have vaguely the same moral, ethical code when it comes to what a lie can be defined as – then wouldn't Monsanto fail? A simple Google search – much like was shown in the documentary – reveals a long list of dirty laundry for the company. Dozens of articles talk about how to boycott the company, and an application has even been developed that will scan barcodes in grocery stores to allow buyers to see whether or not the product contains genetically modified organisms. It's easy to see how dedicated many people have become to the cause of being Monsanto crash and burn. But I wonder – is it really that easy?

I had a conversation with a close friend after finishing the documentary, and we were genuinely curious about how dedicated a person, let alone an entirely family, would have to be in order to truly boycott and make a difference. We played with the idea of actually trying to buy and eat organically for a year, purely from a journalistic perspective. Is it as easy as people believe it to be? With many issues today, we tend to get information and get instantaneously fired up and jump headfirst into educating others and advocating change. People as a whole tend to allow their emotions to get the best of them, and it's easier today when we can manipulate those emotions with videos and easily share them on social media. Take for example a video that recently went viral of a 12-year-old girl speaking out about being pro-life. I personally think this was a bold move, whether it was the girl's idea or their parents', because people are likely more willing to allow their emotions to guide them when a cute, smiling child is telling them a story as opposed to a politician or other adult public figure. The point that I am trying to make is that we need to take a deep breath and take the time and effort to do additional reading and research when we come across a story or information that gets us emotional. We should be seeking knowledge first and foremost. When we have reasonable cause to agree with what has been found, we should then become involved in actively making a change in our lives and the lives of others around us. As part of that process, we educate and advocate change. So often I see people, especially my age, see a single video or article and get very interested in a topic or issue – but for a very short time. It's almost a flavour of the week thing, and that is why I am doubtful that the sheer number of people who have publicly declared on social media their decision to boycott Monsanto products and companies will make a noticeable difference. People invest too much energy and emotion into issues initially and they burn-out quickly. We only have a very limited caring capacity, so when the next thing pulls on our heartstrings, we embrace it. We let it take over. It's a cycle that we need to break out of if we really want to make a difference in our world.

Generally speaking, I think people have good ideas and it is by no means wrong to care about the damage Monsanto has been doing for decades. As I mentioned early on, I myself am angered that this is how the American government acts when such a glaring hole is burning in their business practices. People are paying for the negative effects that Monsanto's products have on our health, and because they have such a presence in the market and make such a profit, they can keep their heads above the water. I feel powerless in this fight because everything in me tells me that what they are doing and what is happening is wrong, but I don't see how it can be changed at this point. I don't have an answer.

Have you ever boycott a product or company? Are you the exception to my "get on fire for this thing, ditch this thing a week later" theory?