A New Perspective

I often write about my flaws and things I know about myself that I want to change. I periodically reassess and try to evaluate whether I've made much progess (sometimes I have to hang my head and whisper to myself, "if any"). One of my main goals lately has been to adopt a positive perspective. I question whether a comment or circumstance is worth truly worrying about and try to nip the "stressed out" status in the bud, allowing me cushion time to better filter and categorize what situations actually warrant my worry and concern. I've said stuff like this before; everything makes me jump around like a rabbit late for a very important date. I need to cut that out. It's a terrible way to live. 

Progress report: I think I'm doing and going to be okay. 

I met a guy today. He's bubbly and outgoing. He's always cracking jokes and laughing and complimenting whoever he speaks to. Even when someone is angry with him or a situation, he's empathetic and just does his best. He seems to operate on a "this is the present" mentality. No dwelling on the future or the past. All he has is what he currently has in front of him, and he tackles it with a "can-do" attitude. If something doesn't work perfectly, he doesn't get upset. He keeps smiling and keeps going.

I was in awe. I still am. I know I'm made of the same stuff as him and that I can eventually handle my life and interactions in the same way; it just never seems easy when you're on the other side. 

One situation, one conversation, one event at a time.. that's how I'm learning to be a little more care-free.

Sometimes I live in a fantasy world (on dream jobs)

Sometimes I find myself dreaming of a world where amazing things happen and my life is perfect. I am discovered for some talent or skill that I've showcased, and it's smooth sailing from that moment on because I'm young and learn quickly and we're all so connected. Fame and brains can coexist, and I'll love my job, and everyone will know my name.

Other times I fantasize about a revolution wherein the structure of "you need a degree to do X job" will dissolve and people will have the opportunity to prove their worth through more than crippling debt and sucking corporate dick to get somewhere, anywhere that isn't a dead end customer service or sales job. I don't want a job, I want a career. I don't want eleven dollars an hour and to be screamed at for nine hours every day because some obese wonder didn't get to eat her burger quick enough. I don't want to use my excellent communication skills to sell old ladies services and products they can't understand just because I want to be able to afford one million Sephora trips each month (and a new car). My life and the things I do are not going to be about money, but they sure as hell will be about who I am and what I can offer. And I'm in the business of doing something good for people.

I am sharp as a whip. I'm kind, in a "want some candy?" sort of way, without the white van. People like me, people like to talk to me, and people tell me I'm going to be able to do something big.

I want to research.
I want to solve problems.
I want to educate.
I want to listen.
I want to build something.
I want to create hope.

I can only do so much of this in an "entry level" job that high schoolers get hired to do. And I don't get to do any of it without money and time.

I didn't know what my "dream job" was until this year. TWENTY FIFTEEN. I've been thining about education and careers since the beginning of high school, and that's a long time . I'm in an embarrassing amount of debt. I have bills to pay and things I need to do. I don't get to do the things I know I would love and excel at simply because I didn't know that they existed until a couple of months ago.

First plan: nursing. Until I wasn't smart enough.
Second plan: follow a boy to Bible college (I guess "wife" is a profession).
Third plan: social work??????
Fourth plan: health/wellness, possibly personal training.
Fifth and final plan: human resources, corporate wellness, occupational health and safety.

The common thread is a desire to help. I like to think I'm personable, and passionate, and creative, and able to relate to people and listen to them and help them in any way I can. It took me so long to find a place, a position that exists where I can do those things. Solving problems, training, teaching about safety, improving stress levels and health and satisfaction and morale in people's jobs? Hella great stuff.

It's going to take me another year or so to get the education I need to be able to do something in HR. I'm dedicated to the cause; I'm very serious about it and I know it will take a lot of hard work doing something I might hate in order to get somewhere I will love. Don't misunderstand me here; I'm not trying to just complain and say the world is unfair. I think it is sometimes, but I also acknowledge my agency. I'm going to have do some shit I'm going to dislike, and I'm going to whine about how no one discovered my blog or Youtube or Twitch or whatever else, (why does everything always seem easier for everyone else?) but eventually I'll get where I'm going.

The point is that there are dreams where you might not ever get to do the things you DAYdream about. But there are other dreams that are possible, even if they seem really, really out of reach at the time. How much does it matter to you? What will you do to get it? What is your perspective?

Positivity and a good work ethic will go a long way.